Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize