I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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