i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
