yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
