How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
