I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
