I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
