So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's rum buckets o'clock
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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