the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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