I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
