How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
