So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
