I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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