He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
