I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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