She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
