she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
