I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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