i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
