new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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