I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Say something about gay babies.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
