Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
