I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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