Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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