I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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