I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
