I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
