please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
