soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
