when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
