My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
