Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
barbara walters just said penis...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
