Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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