Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
