I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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