i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He has the fingertips of a God
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