so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i think im in europe. pls send help
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
