just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
