I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
