I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
