I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
