its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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