1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
