is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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