hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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