i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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