last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
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