I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
