Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
