I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
