evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
