so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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