dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
