mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
