go do what you do best...puke behind churches
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
