To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
