so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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