Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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