Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
