I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
