She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
