i think my tv is drunk
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
