I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
