I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
