Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
