saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
