If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
